Saturday 28th June 2008.

 When I was little I would get abused, beaten up. Yeah, mostly by my dad, but also by my brothers and sister. I was looking through my old diary the other day and came across abit that said "I wish my sister would stop hitting me". And I remembered everything again. My oldest brother would put a pillow on my face and then sit on me pushing all his weight on me and he wouldnt get off no matter how much I tried to tell him, I couldnt hardly breath. It was a horrible feeling, not being able to breath and not knowing what too do being so young. My other brother would hit me and that, he would take his anger out on me. I don't know if it was because I was the youngest, but to be honest I didnt deserve it. It hurt, he didnt and still dosent know his own strength. A "tap" to him hurts alot. My sister would also hit me, thump me. She got angry most the time aswell.

 With them always hurting me, I never felt wanted or loved. My mum was about the only person who didnt hurt me, abuse me. How could I call that my home if I didnt even feel safe there. I didnt know what too do, so I just put up with it, even though most the of the time I was scared.

 Many years pasted, they don't do it anymore. My dad left and my brothers and sister finally stopped and grew out of it. Yeah, I dont know what they were going through, but they didnt have to hurt me, and now I have them memories with me forever. I still love them all though, dispite it all.

 Ive had alot of pain in my life, but Ive always picked myself back up and got on with things. Things are much better now, I love them all, always have .. always will. No matter what.

 Hello once again (: Its 20:39 and i'm fricking bored! Have been all day but ahh well. Hope anyone reading this is doing groovy (y) Last night was an alright night, I fell asleep but only for like 5hours. Moving on swifly...

 I was going to do a blog on something different, instead of writing what I've been up too lately all the time. So I thought I would do a more about me thingymajig blog - for now.

 - I'm not allergic to anything - yet. I have "ganglions" in my ankles and hands - have had them since I was born. I always dye my hair and i'm surprised im not bold. I hate it when people lie too me, espically to my face. Put your foot in my mouth and i'll gag, I hate feet. I CAN keep promises unlike alot of people I know. I did get child abuse when I was little - but only by my dad, except my brothers and sister would kinda beat me up too, trust me - it fucking hurt. Music is everything! I cannot live without it. I perfer to stay in watching a film and wrapped up in a blanket in the dark with some hot chocolate and something to nibble on. I'm NOT religous. I look younger than I actually am and it annoys the fuck out of me.

 And that's about it folks. I really can't be asked to write anything else. I'm starving! No food in the house goddamn it! I'm off too find something to gobble on! Shall write something tomorrow or something (:

Love Charlotte x

Just found this video! Geez. Like year 10. Miss these guys hell of alot! Video still makes me giggle though (:

 There's been so many times together where i've nearly pissed my undies! I remember all the crazy times we had, and all the silly arguements everyone would have. But after everything, we're still friends. Them memories will stay with me forever.

Love you all x

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uo7Q4TiOdAM

Theres the link for the video (:

It's being gay and won't let me add the video I uploaded ):

Wednesday 11th June 2008

 Okay, since the 1st June, I havent at all been sleeping properly. Really annoying. I feel tired but I just wont fall asleep! Even if I do fall asleep it's only a couple of hours. Oh well, better than nothing right? I think somethings on my mind, but I don't know what yet. Hmmm.

  Oh my goshh! Seeing my angel later today (: I love him so much! Gonna be with him for a couple of days ^__^ but then.. he's gonna have to go back home ): I don't think he actually relizes how much I love him and miss him all the time. He's everything i'm not. He completes me. Honestly, he does (:

 Got a tenner today - whoop! XP Can't wait till I go on hoilday in August! Hopefully Mark can come along (: Just hope my sister [Laura] don't give birth while i'm away, hehe.

 Anywhoo, this is enough for tonight. Gonna try and get some sleep soon - doubt it though! Peace out! (H)

 It was last year in 2007 when I had lost so much weight.

 In 2006 alot of awful things happened. I found out my auntie was dying, I got bullied so much in school and then in November, a girl in my school commited suicide. Seeing everyone crying made me relize how much I was going to miss my auntie. I had spoken to this girl before about her tounge pericing, she was a nice girl, she got bullied and had had enough. "Life was not worth living" was in her note. She was a funny person, she didnt deserve any of that.

 Months past and I had been feeling low already. I left school, and in late March, my auntie passed away. I hated the fact that I never had the chance to tell her I loved her one last time. I hated the fact the doctors wouldn't let me see her because her apperance was too bad to show the children. I felt so unhappy and was lonely, I stayed in my room all the time on the laptop. I never wanted to eat I felt so unhappy. I just wanted to be left alone.

 I hardly ate in school, I was so unhappy there. So not eating at home was hardly a new thing. I hadn't been eating properly for ages now, I got used too it. I had an "online" boyfriend. He actually made me feel happy. He was a great person to talk too. We soon spilt up awhile after my auntie had passed away. I felt like nothing ever went right. At this point I was only eating a piece of toast a day, or sometimes nothing. I did drink a cup or two cups a day of juice though, or something like that. I lost more weight. I was a size 14 down to a size 8, and I was going down nearly to a size 6. I felt fat, lonely and that no-one would want me. So I wanted to lose more weight. People told me I was turning into just bones. I took no notice, my mind was telling me I was ugly, fat. I had to do something about it.

 It eventually got so bad that my mum took me to the doctors, I then went to a specialist. I got alot of blood tests done. They thought I had "Hypercalcemia". It turned out to this day that it was nothing. I was on the boarder line of anorexia. I would get ocasional pains in my sides, I would be so pale, I'd always be cold. I was still unhappy.

  Then after being told I had to gain weight, I started eating again slowly, even though I didnt want too. I then met this guy in January 2008, at my sisters house. He was cute. He said he liked me. Couple weeks later, he asked me out. I felt happy for once. Someone wanted me! The date went awesome and we're now still together. I've gained some weight now, I'm a size 10, happy with my figure, but apart of me still wants to be skinner. There are moments where I wish I didnt gain weight, but I guess this is all for my own good.

 Mark loves my figure and he says he likes me not all bones (: At last, someone who loves me for me.

Friday 06th June 2008

 Hellooo. So I havent been sleeping properly for a couple of days now. Don't know why but there you go. I feel so low aswell. Maybe it's because I miss Mark? [My boyfriend] I dont' know.

 He keeps wanting to see me, but I don't know if we should take a while away from each other. Or is that me just avoiding him? Hmm. I know things aren't the same anymore with him. I'm confused on what's happening. It's like I wanna be with him all the time when I'm with him, but when I'm not with him, I just don't wanna see him. Maybe because it hurts when one of us has to leave all the time. Oh well.

 Why do I feel so low! Really doing my head in. It feels like things are going back to the way they we're before. I feel like crying most the time too. I don't know what's up with me. Maybe I need help? Or maybe I just need Mark to be here...